A note from jungle notebook at Tambopata
Love the jungle and it will love you back in abundance, teach you its’ secrets and relieve you of your excess baggage.
Drink the jungle and the vine will cleanse you, lead you through the other world and take you to a deeper here when you come back from there.
Tambopata Lodge, jungle in peru, with Don Ignacio, first Ayahuasca experience. There was a group of 20 Japonese and myself, 2nd May 1996, full moon. This is an amazingly special night for me, a night I always knew I needed and it finally arrived. My guide sat with me during the ceremony but did not drink the ayahuasca. I had wanted to take it since my first trip in 1991 but I had been told I had to wait until I was ready, and before this, I wasn’t, maybe emotionally not secure. Sitting outside around a little fire with the full moon above us, the trees, jungle sounds, in a circle, Don Ignacio passed a cup around and we each drank a cup. He then passed a tobacco cigarette around and explained that the tobacco smoke connects with the spirit of the plant. About 45 minutes later I started feeling very weird, and started seeing colours that I had never seen before and shapes that I didn’t know existed. I started staring at my hand and could see my DNA in my hand, it looked like a sucker stick with lines and dots zig zagging across it and joining. I said to my guide, “I see my DNA.” And he said, “Yes.” I saw my DNA changing and told him, he said it had to change as my body would never cope with going into other realities , as it was before. I asked him if it would change back and he said no that it had changed forever and that now I could go in and out of other realities easier, even without Ayahuasca. Many things happened, these stick in my mind: I felt my spirit rise and lift up, float up. I looked down, and saw my body, and those of the other people, just lying there, empty. It looked like our bodies were just empty coats, nothing inside of them, and I then realised for the first time, that our bodies really are not us, we are truly spirit, our bodies are just our wrappings, nothing more. My Father had died recently and we had had a very difficult relationship even though we loved each other very much. Under the Ayahuasca I saw a light which I immediately recognized as the essence of my Father. We met and embraced in light form and suddenly I understood why our relationship was so difficult. It was because we both had fear and in order to protect ourselves we had built walls or put veils around us. In that instant we both totally understood, totally forgave, and totally loved each other. I was told, by God, that I needed to pull down the veils of fear, as fear was only an illusion. There I was lying on the ground physically tearing down the veils of illusion, of which there were many. Since then I have felt totally at peace with my Father.
I also asked about my Brother, as he always seemed to be having diffulties in his life. I asked if his problem was maybe because of things that had happenned during this life time. I was shown my brother before he entered my Mother’s womb, his body that I saw was full of blackness. I understood then that he had brought his past life experiences with him into this lifetime, and that his problems had nothing to do with this lifetime. God then told me that I needed to learn how to heal, and the healing exercise he gave to me I could do privately, didn’t have to do hands on healing as I am shy about this, this suited me perfectly. I had to visualize God’s light and breath it in through crown of my head, imagining pulling it through the top of my head, into my solar plexus, then breath it out to the person, holding each step for a count of 3. I had to repeat it 3 times. He told me to start doing it for my brother. As I was visualizing my brother and breathing towards him I could see his blackness begining to dissintegrate and fall away. Later, my brother’s life had changed completely, he was happy healthy and wealthy. I had told him about the experience at the time but he thought I was a bit loca. A few years later he phoned and asked me to repeat the story to him, and said that he knew the incident had healed and changed his life.
I asked about my depression as I have suffered from depression since the age of 16. It showed me my body, and from my side black was oozing out into the Universe, it was my depression. It showed me that this oozing blackness affects every single thing around me: the air, the grass, the trees, people; even though I wasn’t aware that this was happening, even people I don’t know or talk to, anyone who comes into my space. I was horrified and cried at the knowledge that I was affecting other people in this way without intending to. Since then my depression has lifted enormously and now I suffer bouts only once or twice a year and it lifts quite quickly whereas in the past I was continuously on medication and my depressions would last for months.
I was standing on a hill, looking at a huge wooden cross, Christian, and wondered how come Christian crosses here. There were many people standing around me. A voice from the cross, or sky behind, said to me, “Lesley, you have no more Karma.” I looked around me and wondered who he was talking to, and then he repeated it. I said, “Who, me?” and he said, “Lesley, why do you keep doing this? Why don’t you listen? I told you that you have no more Karma.” I just cried and cried alot, in gratefullness.
I saw this beautiful gold light, huge and bright. I felt total love and peace that I had never in my life felt before. I was crying so much, in joy of seeing this gold light, and then suddenly I realized that the gold light was me. It made me understand that every single person has a totally beautiful, totally unique light, but unfortunately we all hide our light from each other and ourselves in order to protect ourselves. Once again the veils of fear, illusion. If we could all live and stand in our light, the world would be as it was meant to be, and everybody would feel loved and be happy. I then saw an incredible white light, huge, so powerful, it was hard to look at. I felt love like I have never experienced in my life before, had never felt so happy, I was crying in gratitude and realized that the light that I was seeing was the light of the Creator.
I was also told by Creator, that every single person in our lives, is never by co-incidence, nothing happens by accident, not even our names are given to us by our parents. Before we are even born, our names have been given to us by creator. Every name means something, told to find out what our names mean. Lesley means the gatekeeper. Sounds really stupid, but it is the most incredible thing, when you find out, and one day it takes form. I discovered later, that my name means soo much to me. But that is another story…..
I was given these words in my head , they are not mine, they came during the experience……….
I AM THE MOTHER
I AM THE MOTHER OF THE UNIVERSE
I ACKNOWLEDGE THE MOTHER I AM
TO NURTURE, TO LOVE, TO COMFORT, TO ACCEPT, TO FORGIVE, TO HEAL, TO GROW
I AM AT YOUR SERVICE
I realised then, that all women are the mother, we are all part of the universe, we are Pacha Mama, Mother Earth. We should all live up to these words
Words can never describe an experience like this, I hope that its possible for you to have a glimpse. Its an incredibly beautiful, life changing experience.